My friend CR is a very old fashioned woman. She is vehemently against pre-marital sex and she rains hell on those who dare to sing the glorious songs about the joy of sex in front of her.
We were having a chat about something when our friend HP decided to join our conversation. HP is 19 years old and had recently joined a prestigious city college, known for its abundance of beauty on its campus (The female kind of beauty, not the nature kind. In case you were wondering).
HP: Man, so many hotties in my college! So many to tap!
CR: What? Tap? Seriously? Is that how you treat women?
HP: Chill woman, It’s just tapping. Nothing serious!
CR: Just tapping? Seesh, you’re just 19 years old! I’m gonna tell your mom!
Me: Chill CR. HP, did you really tap a chick?
HP: Errrrr….
CR: Well?
Me: Well, if you did, then – RESPECT TO YOU!
(We bump fist)
CR: Stop corrupting him! He shouldn’t be thinking about ‘tapping’ at this age! He should concentrate on his studies!
Me: Relax CR! Not everyone decides to wait like you. You’re 27 and you still haven’t done it! Your first time is going to be so awful!
CR: Oh please! Big deal. My fiance is 32 and he hasn’t tapped anyone either! In fact he doesn’t even know how to kiss! I had to teach him!
(HP and I double up in laughter)
Me: That’s too much information!
HP: You both are made for each other.
Me: Your first night together is not going to go well. Both of you will be wondering what goes where!
HP: Oh yeah! I can totally see that happening!
Me: While choosing music for the occasion, ensure that you choose a live album. That way you’ll get an applause every five minutes!
HP: Amen to that!
CR: Oh please! We’ll just watch porn and figure it out! Alright? Now lets drop the subject!
(My sides start aching from all that laughing)
Me: Did you really say porn? This just keeps on getting better!
A Diary Of A Whiny Guy 