No Tissue, No Issue!

I was at a popular pub, when I happen to overhear this conversation from the table next to mine. There were about six people, three guys and three girls. They were discussing about whether your bride should be a virgin or not at the time of marriage.

Guy#1: Call me old fashioned, but I would want my wife to be a virgin!

Girl#1: You’re such a hypocrite! You have slept with other women, but you want your wife to be a virgin!?

Guy#2: The rules are different for guys, ok? In our society, women who have pre-marital sex are looked down on.

Girl#2: That’s so archaic! In this day and age, everyone has pre-marital sex! Besides, what does it matter whether the girl is a virgin or not?

Guy#3: I second with Guy#1! I don’t want to get the feeling that someone has already slept with my wife.

Girl#1: That’s so chauvinistic! If you’re so concerned that whether she’s slept with someone before you, just don’t ask.

Girl#2: Besides, why is that if men sleep with many girls, he’s branded a stud but if a woman sleeps around with many men, she’s branded a slut! Why are there double standards?

Guy#3: You see, Confucius once said: “If a single key can open many locks, it’s a master key. But if a single lock can be opened with many keys, it’s a shitty lock”!

*The guys high five each other. The women look annoyed*

Girl#1: Oh please, Confucius didn’t say anything like that.

Girl#2: You guys are such chauvinistic pigs!

*At this point, Girl#3, who was silent all this while, bangs the table*

Guy#1: Dafaq woman! You almost spilled my beer!

Girl#3: Why are you guys making such a big issue about a tissue? Relax guys.

*I’m sipping my beer, listening to the whole conversation*

 Me (to myself): Whoa mama! Cheers to that! 

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The Guys Rules

My friend, IG sent me this forward. It was so hilarious that I HAD to share it with you.

I give you:

The Guys Rules

Atlast a guy has taken the time to write all of this down.
Finally, the guys’ side of the story. We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note: These are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want a solution. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret models, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color! Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauveis.

1. If it itches, it will BE scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing’, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, cars, bikes or games

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. You are in shape. Round IS a shape!

This list  just made my day!

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

My friend, PGS sends me a text.

PGS: Hey! I read your blog post.

Me: Which one?

PGS: Why? Why? Why? 

Me: Liked it?

PGS: Well, who is this SP that you have mentioned?

Me: Someone. You don’t know her.

PGS: Are you sure that it’s not me? 

Me: Seesh, narcissistic much?

PGS: Go jump! It’s just you’re always going on about how I need to put make up and I started doing so recently. Hence…

Me: Relax. It’s not you.

PGS: Good. By the way, check out my new Facebook pic.

Me: Uh…huh..

PGS: What?

Me: Nothing.

PGS: Tell me!

Me: It’s nothing.

PGS: Dude, either you tell me right now or I come over to your place and strangle you!

Me: Fine. It’s the lipstick.

PGS: What about it?

Me: Nothing, just an observation.

PGS: Dude! Tell me right now! Is it too much? Or what?

Me: Just saying, you know…

PGS: What? What? What? Tell me! This conversation isn’t over!

Me: Seesh, what shade is that? Crack whore red?

 PGS: Dafaq! I’m gonna kill you! Just wait till I get my hands on you! I’m never ever gonna put make up henceforth! You wait and watch Mister!

Me: Hehehehe

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Carnivores – 1 Herbivores – 0

CG is a high-class-pure-vegetarian. You know, the Saravana Bhavan types. Because of his *ahem ahem* delicate nature, I never miss an opportunity to remind him about the mouth watering meat delicacies he’s missing out on (in my honesty, it was more of shoving it in his face).

Round #1

Me: Man, I’m craving for a Shawarma!

CG: Uh huh…

Me: Wanna go and get some Shawarma?

CG: Yeah sure…

Me: Oh no, you can’t have any because there’s no such thing as a vegetarian Shawarma!

CG: Damn…. Fine.

Me: Yeah! Score! 

Round #2

Me: We should go to Millers46 sometime. 

CG: Sounds like a plan.

Me: Their steaks are out of this world! You should try some!

CG: Okay.. Sure…

Me: Oh no! You can’t! Because there’s no such thing as a vegetarian steak!  Even what restaurants serve as vegetarian steak is an abomination! Steak implies meat! Ergo, vegetarian steak is an oxymoron!

CG: Seesh! You don’t have to be such a d*ck about it!

Me: Yay! Steak!

Match Point: Carnivores 

Round #3

Me: Let’s go to KFC!

CG: No way. 

Me: Why not?

CG: Because their vegetarian food is awful.

Me: C’mon! It’s KFC! How can you not love their tender juicy chicken, deep fried with the Colonel’s Secret Recipe? 

CG: Errrr…

Me: Oh yeah, you have no idea what I’m talking about! 

CG: Dude! Knock it off!

Me: Booyeah! 

Game: Carnivores

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Take Action! Let’s Stop This Filth!

Late evening on 12 April 2013, a group of students from Nalsar Law
University went to the Rain Club located in Banjara Hills, Hyderabad, for what was meant to be a farewell party for the graduating seniors.

When they stepped out of the club around 10.30pm to wait for their cab,
one of the women students spotted someone taking their pictures with a mobile
phone. She objected and demanded to see the mobile. The mobile turned out to be a dummy, without a card in it. When she further objected and demanded that the phone with which photos were taken be handed over, other media cameramen who were present began to film the altercation.

The students were outraged at this invasion of their privacy and the
callous response of media cameramen who continued the harassment by following them to the car and persisting in filming them even as they were vehemently protesting this invasion.

The next morning several Telugu channels began showing the footage.
Some websites also put up the footage. TV9, ABN Andhra Jyoti, Sakshi TV, Studio N, NTV, IdlyTV, News 24 and the following links which were still active till
14th April 2013 carried the footage:

http://www.istream.com/news/watch/343985/Drunk-girls%E2%80%93drama-on-streets-of-Hyderabad

The incident represents blatant sexual harassment of women in a public
place, criminal intimidation of the women with threat of public defamation
through media. The anchors of the channels repeatedly referred to the women as
punch drunk, half naked, and nude, when the women students were dressed in
strapless evening wear. One of the female anchors referred to their attire
as “creepily offensive short clothes.” They also claimed that they
were dancing in the club although the entire story was played out on the street
and not inside the club. The media persons were not present inside the club. To
make matters worse, CVR News put together several clips of provocative dancing
from various sources, implying that the present incident was somehow connected
to those.

Significantly, while only a couple of channels were present outside the
club and were involved in the incident, the story was generously shared with
many other channels and web sites. All the channels replayed the footage
provided by the offending channels without providing any opportunity for the
victims of this coverage to respond or give their side of the story.

The channels also were assuming the tone of moral police, claiming that
the students were “leaving Indian traditions in tatters by their dressing and
behaviour”. The anchors of the channels took on the role of moral police
by commenting on the young girls’ clothing, even as the channels’ staple fare
for advertising revenue on their news bulletins comprises song and dance
sequences from films and film events featuring skimpily clad women doing vulgar
dances to vulgar lyrics. The reporters and anchors held forth on excessive
freedom for women and its “devastating” effects on society.

The channels also falsely claimed that the students’ behaviour was
condemned by women’s organizations even though they only showed the statements
of two little-known local politicians, thereby misleading public opinion.

Click here to sign the petition: http://www.avaaz.org/en/petition/TV_channels_should_Stop_Moral_Policing/?cTwOobb

You’ll Never Walk Alone!

We’re all talking about the ongoing EPL.

CG: Man, Manchester United is killing it! The points difference between them and Manchester City is like 15 points!

BR: And Arsenal and Chelsea are nowhere in sight! 

CG: Last season was heartbreaking for Manchester United but this season is theirs! 

BR: Yeah man. By the way, did you catch Arsenal vs Bayern Munich last night?

CG: No man, Arsenal lost I suppose? 

BR: No, they actually won but they were kicked out of the tournament because of the away goal aggregate.

CG: More heartbreak for Arsenal fans…

BR: They should be used to it by now, they haven’t won the premier league in ages…

CG: Sigh, poor souls… Well, atleast there’s always Liverpool

Me: Yeah! LIVERPOOL! YWNA! YWNA!

CG: Errrr, I think you mean YNWA? You’ll Never Walk Alone?

Me: Same thing! 

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