I receive a call from CG.
CG: Hey! Listen, I need some help!
Me: No!
CG: Dude, it’s about…
Me: No!
CG: Listen, it’s something else!
Me: No!
CG: Listen for a second!
Me: No!
CG: Stop saying no!
Me: No! And this might sound like me hanging up but….
*The line goes dead*
CG: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! F!@$ing Archer!
My friend, PGS sends me a text.
PGS: Hey! I read your blog post.
Me: Which one?
PGS: Why? Why? Why?
Me: Liked it?
PGS: Well, who is this SP that you have mentioned?
Me: Someone. You don’t know her.
PGS: Are you sure that it’s not me?
Me: Seesh, narcissistic much?
PGS: Go jump! It’s just you’re always going on about how I need to put make up and I started doing so recently. Hence…
Me: Relax. It’s not you.
PGS: Good. By the way, check out my new Facebook pic.
Me: Uh…huh..
PGS: What?
Me: Nothing.
PGS: Tell me!
Me: It’s nothing.
PGS: Dude, either you tell me right now or I come over to your place and strangle you!
Me: Fine. It’s the lipstick.
PGS: What about it?
Me: Nothing, just an observation.
PGS: Dude! Tell me right now! Is it too much? Or what?
Me: Just saying, you know…
PGS: What? What? What? Tell me! This conversation isn’t over!
Me: Seesh, what shade is that? Crack whore red?
PGS: Dafaq! I’m gonna kill you! Just wait till I get my hands on you! I’m never ever gonna put make up henceforth! You wait and watch Mister!
Me: Hehehehe
FF comes over to my place to watch TV shows.
FF: Wassup?
Me: Nothing much.
FF: Ok, let’s watch some shows.
Me: What do you wanna watch?
FF: What have you got?
Me: How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Two And A Half Men, Archer, Futurama, American Dad, Coupling…
FF: What else?
Me: Family Guy, The Simpsons, Modern Family, Californication, Friends, Joey, House MD, 30 Rock...
FF: Then?
Me: Sherlock, Breaking Bad, That 70’s Show, My Wife And Kids, The Centurions, Swat Kats, Entourage…
FF: Ummm, got more?
Me: Psych, Criminal Minds, The Mentalist, Castle, Scream Queens, Beauty And The Geek, Top Gear…..
FF: And?
Me: You gotta be kidding me! Game Of Thrones, Spartacus, Samantha Who, Lost, Arrested Development, Prison Break, The King Of Queens, According To Jim, Hope And Faith, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Dark Angel… Phew! That’s all I have!
FF: Hmmmm, Do you have MTV Splitsvilla?
Me: Splitsvilla?
FF: Yeah, remember that show where…
Me: GET THE F*** OUT OF MY HOUSE!
PS: MTV Splitsvilla is the Jersey Shore of India.
Same shit. Different day.
CG: You know what my problem is?
Me: Do I look like I care?
CG: Anyways, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…
Me: Uh..huh..
CG: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and thus it’s all MS’s fault!
Me: In short, you’re a wimp. Right?
CG: Oh yeah? Well, the pot is calling the kettle black!
Me: So?
CG: It means…
Me: Whatever it means, deal with it!
CG: Errrrr….
Some are about trains. Others are not.
An idea brewing in my head for quite a while.
You are schizophrenic. I do not exist.
Policy Analyst, Freelance Writer, and Executive Director of VC Voter Edge - looking to solve community problems implementing evidence-backed policy and ethical governance in and around Ventura County, CA. I have a BA in Political Science, a BA in Philosophy, and a Masters of Public Administration, with 20 years of experience in community organizing, voter advocacy and education, technical writing, research, and public policy consulting.
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A Diary Of A Whiny Guy 