More Power To You!

I was at the local franchise of Five Star Chicken, picking up some dinner for myself. There was a bit of a wait, but thank god, there was only one  guy infront of me.

Random Guy: I’d like two pieces of Crunchy Masala Chicken.

Chicken Guy: That’ll be 84 rupees , sir.

Random Guy: 84! The menu says that it’s 39 rupees per piece. So two pieces should be 78 rupees! 

Chicken Guy: Sir, taxes not included in the price.

Random Guy: Where it does say that!

Chicken Guy: Here! 

*Points at the menu card which explicitly mentions that local taxes are added to the mentioned price*

Random Guy: I don’t want to pay tax! 

Chicken Guy: Errr…

Me: Yay! More power to the common man! Yeah, screw the system! Yeah, f*** the government! 

*What I thought was a murmur under my breath, was actually shouted out pretty loud. Loud enough to catch the attention of nearby shoppers*

*Chicken Guy and Random Guy give me a look as if I’d just escaped from the loony bin*

Me: Errr, I’ll have whatever he’s having. I’ll pay the taxes too!

(So much for being anti-authoritarian)

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PS: Their chicken is really good. If you’re in Bangalore, try them out!

PPS: No, I’m not being paid to advertise them. Though it would be super cool.

You Shall Not Watch!

Last Friday, my friends were supposed to drop into my place for a house party, which unfortunately DID NOT happen. Their excuses varied from “I’m depressed because Arsenal is not going to win the premier league this season” to “my neighbors cat died”.

Anyways, the result was this:  I had an empty house (except for CG and MS), a lot of food and a lot of booze. As pissed as I was, I decided to get *sloshed drunk*, to calm myself down. CG and MS decided to make me watch a movie to soothe my nerves. After a lot of debating, they decided on The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring.

When it comes to the Stars Wars Vs Lords Of The Ring, I’m pro Star Wars!

*The movie starts playing*

Narrator: In the beginning of time, there were three rings for the Elves, seven rings for the Dwarfs and nine rings for the Humans.

Me: What do these rings do?

CG: I’ll explain it to you later. It’s kinda long.

Me: Pfft..!

CG: Dude, just watch!

Me: Where are these rings now?

CG: The elves hid their rings, dwarfs lost four of their rings and have three rings left. And the humans wore their rings and they became the Ringwraiths.

Me: Stupid humans!

*One Peg Down*

GandalfA wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

Me: Yeah, right! Try giving that as an excuse to your mom, when you’re returning home drunk at 2 am!

CG: Hahaha.

*Two Pegs Down*

Me: Why does Bilbo Baggins never wear that ring?

CG: Because he has no lust for power.

Me: I see…. Smart guy. How come the eye of Sauron always on?

CG: Because that’s how he can sense the ring.

Me: Does it ever blink?

CG: Dude! C’mon! That’s stupid!

Me: Uh..huh..

*Four Pegs Down*

Me: Dude, have you noticed that the Hobbits have no facial hair?

CG: Uh..huh..

Me: Imagine, they’d go to a barber to get their legs shaved instead!

CG: Dude! F*** off! Just watch!

*Five Pegs Down*

Me: Dude, why don’t just fly to Mordor on that big bird thing?

CG: Because air travel was expensive back then.

Me: Yeah right…. Don’t f*** around man!

CG: Then stop asking me stupid questions and read the book!

Me: It’s not stupid! It’s a genuine question!

CG: I’m not going to dignify that with a response!

Me: C***!

*Seven Pegs Down*

Me: Look dude! Ned Stark!

CG: Dude, that’s Boromir! The son of the steward of Gondor!

Me: Same person!

CG: Aaaaaaaagh! Dude!

*Eight Pegs Down*

Legolas: This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance.

Boromir: Aragorn? This is Isildur‘s heir?

Me: Snap! You didn’t see that coming, did ya?

CG: Jesus Christ! How drunk are you?

Me: Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!

CG: #facepalm!

*Nine Pegs Down*

Boromir: One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. The Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly.

Me: No shit, Sherlock!

CG: Dude, SHUT UP MAN!

Me: You shut up, you ************************************************************** (too many vulgar explicits).

CG: Jeez! You kiss your mom with that mouth?

*Ten Pegs Down*

CG: Don’t you think Hugo Weaving did a good portrayal of  Elrod’s character?

MS: Yeah man, his acting is good.

Me: Yeah man! I friggin’ love Hugo Weaving man! I love him in V for Vendetta! I love him in the Transformer! And I love him in The Matrix! Yeah! Agent Smith!

CG: Seesh! Drunk much?

MS: The Matrix?

Me: Yeah! Agent Smith man! Agent f***ing Smith!

MS: Nope! Haven’t seen Matrix.

Me: You what? Haven’t seen The Matrix? How the hell are you still living with yourself?

MS: Errrrr…

Me: Screw this shit! Lets watch Matrix instead!

CG: Ummmmmm, Hello!  We were watching LOTR!

Me: You’re damn right! Were, as in past tense! Now we ‘are’ watching The Matrix!

CG: Aaaaaaaaaagh! You drunk **************************************************************************! (Vulgar explicits, I’m sure you’ve already guessed that!).

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The Return Of The Blonde

The Tiesto concert was around the corner. MM calls me up, out of the blue.

MM: Hey!

Me: Hey! 

MM: Listen, do you think that I can still get tickets to the concert?

Me: Yeah sure, my friend has physical passes. I can hook you up with him.

MM: What are those?

Me: Ummmmm, physical tickets…You know, tickets…

MM: I got the tickets part, but what is this physical?

Me: Never mind, I’ve a DJ friend. I’ll hook you up with him. He can help you.

MM: Hey! Even I have DJ friend. Maybe I’ll go with him!

Me: Errrrrrr…. Sure. What ever makes you happy! 

the fuck is wrong with you

Carnivores – 1 Herbivores – 0

CG is a high-class-pure-vegetarian. You know, the Saravana Bhavan types. Because of his *ahem ahem* delicate nature, I never miss an opportunity to remind him about the mouth watering meat delicacies he’s missing out on (in my honesty, it was more of shoving it in his face).

Round #1

Me: Man, I’m craving for a Shawarma!

CG: Uh huh…

Me: Wanna go and get some Shawarma?

CG: Yeah sure…

Me: Oh no, you can’t have any because there’s no such thing as a vegetarian Shawarma!

CG: Damn…. Fine.

Me: Yeah! Score! 

Round #2

Me: We should go to Millers46 sometime. 

CG: Sounds like a plan.

Me: Their steaks are out of this world! You should try some!

CG: Okay.. Sure…

Me: Oh no! You can’t! Because there’s no such thing as a vegetarian steak!  Even what restaurants serve as vegetarian steak is an abomination! Steak implies meat! Ergo, vegetarian steak is an oxymoron!

CG: Seesh! You don’t have to be such a d*ck about it!

Me: Yay! Steak!

Match Point: Carnivores 

Round #3

Me: Let’s go to KFC!

CG: No way. 

Me: Why not?

CG: Because their vegetarian food is awful.

Me: C’mon! It’s KFC! How can you not love their tender juicy chicken, deep fried with the Colonel’s Secret Recipe? 

CG: Errrr…

Me: Oh yeah, you have no idea what I’m talking about! 

CG: Dude! Knock it off!

Me: Booyeah! 

Game: Carnivores

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You’ll Never Walk Alone!

We’re all talking about the ongoing EPL.

CG: Man, Manchester United is killing it! The points difference between them and Manchester City is like 15 points!

BR: And Arsenal and Chelsea are nowhere in sight! 

CG: Last season was heartbreaking for Manchester United but this season is theirs! 

BR: Yeah man. By the way, did you catch Arsenal vs Bayern Munich last night?

CG: No man, Arsenal lost I suppose? 

BR: No, they actually won but they were kicked out of the tournament because of the away goal aggregate.

CG: More heartbreak for Arsenal fans…

BR: They should be used to it by now, they haven’t won the premier league in ages…

CG: Sigh, poor souls… Well, atleast there’s always Liverpool

Me: Yeah! LIVERPOOL! YWNA! YWNA!

CG: Errrr, I think you mean YNWA? You’ll Never Walk Alone?

Me: Same thing! 

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O Canada!

At a house party, a bunch of PYT’s were chatting among themselves.

PYT#1: Hey, did you hear about blah blah?

PYT#2: Yeah, I heard she’s relocating?

PYT#3: To Caneda apparently! 

*I walk upto them*

Me: Hey girls! What are you all chatting about? 

PYT#1: Hey, did you hear about blah blah?

Me: No, what about her? 

PYT#1: She’s moving to Caneda. There’s a huge Punjabi community there. Her entire family is relocating. 

Me: You mean Canada?

PYT#2: Dude! That only! Caneda – Canada, same thing! 

Me: Errrrr……

picard facepalm meme 4chan lol wtf

Oops, You Did It Again…. And Again!

Like most men, LKB loved checking out women. Unlike most men, he felt the need to comment loudly and get everyone around him to participate as well. As you can imagine, in most cases that didn’t go well for LKB.

Scenario #1

*LKB, AJ and I were sitting in the college cafeteria. CJ, a voluptuous buxom babe, passes by our table*

LKB: Man, look at that a**!

AJ: Ummmm…

LKB: Don’t you love an a** like that?

AJ: Errrr…

LKB: Man, the things I’d to that a**! Oh yeah, I would smack it and watch it wobble and smack it some more!

*At this point LKB starts smacking an imaginary butt while signing Akon‘s Smack That*

AJ: Dude! Stop that!

LKB: C’mon! An a** that fine, you gotta smack it. I mean, you must be like super gay, not to smack that a**!

AJ: You do realize that CJ is my sister? 

LKB: Errrrr…. Ummmm….

AJ: F^&*ing C&*#! 

Me: Hahahaha….! LKB does it again! 

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Scenario #2

*LKB, BK and I were at the bus stop, waiting for the college bus*

LKB: See that new chick at our stop? She’s ugly man!

Me: Uh..huh..

LKB: She’s so ugly, even Quasimodo wouldn’t date her! 

Me: Hahaha…

LKB: She’s so ugly that the only way she’ll get laid, is that she’s with a blind guy! 

Me: Good lord!

LKB: She’s so ugly, she can go to a Halloween party without a costume!

Me: Hahahaha…

*BK smacks LKB on the back of his head*

BK: That’s my sister, you dumb f%^&!

Me: Hahahahaha….

LKB: You knew it all along, didn’t you?

Me: Yup!

LKB: Why didn’t you tell me anything?

Me: I wanted to see you get smacked on the back of your head! 😀

LKB: F@#$ Off!

tricko-tobey-maguire-funny-face-200x200

 Scenario #3

*LKB, RK and I were at the beach*

LKB: See that bike parked there?

Me: Yeah?

LKB: That’s a sh*tty bike!

Me: Uh..huh..

LKB: My winged rider is waaaaay better than that piece of crap!

Me: Uh…huh..

LKB: That bike is so crap, that it makes an auto rickshaw look like an Harley Davidson!

Me: Too much!

RK: Knock it off! That’s my bike!

LKB: I know! 😛 

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