The Return Of The Blonde

The Tiesto concert was around the corner. MM calls me up, out of the blue.

MM: Hey!

Me: Hey! 

MM: Listen, do you think that I can still get tickets to the concert?

Me: Yeah sure, my friend has physical passes. I can hook you up with him.

MM: What are those?

Me: Ummmmm, physical tickets…You know, tickets…

MM: I got the tickets part, but what is this physical?

Me: Never mind, I’ve a DJ friend. I’ll hook you up with him. He can help you.

MM: Hey! Even I have DJ friend. Maybe I’ll go with him!

Me: Errrrrrr…. Sure. What ever makes you happy! 

the fuck is wrong with you

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Dude, You Need Help

*I walked into into LKB’s room without knocking*

Me: Whoa! Dude! If you’re watching porn, please bolt your door!

LKB: It’s not porn. 

Me: Ummmm, yeah it is. Naked pictures of women was classified as porn, the last time I checked. 

LKB: No. These are nude pictures. Artistically taken.

Me: Uh..huh… Sure.. Wait, is that Emma Watson? The kid from Harry Potter? Dude, c’mon – She’s just a kid! 

LKB: Hello! She’s 22! That’s just two years younger than me!

Me: But still, this is wrong. Just plain wrong.

*LKB is busy scrolling through the pictures*

LKB: Damn, she’s nude but they don’t show her boobs anywhere! Lots of cleavage but no boobs!

Me: Ok… So?

LKB: So nothing! This was a waste of my time! I rather check back in a couple of years once she’s got a boob job.

Me: Errrr, you need help. Like professional help. ASAP!

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A Situation Called Awkward

My friend SV, thrives on awkward situations. Especially with his colleagues. It’s fun to watch him, as long as you’re not on the receiving end.

Scene#1

SV: Hey man, where’s that hot friend of yours? 

Me: She’s sick.

SV: Of?

Me: Errrrr…..

Scene#2

*At lunch time in his office*

Female Colleague: Lets go!

SV: Yeah, lets go have a quickie!

Female Colleague: Errr, you mean lunch?

SV: Yeah, that too….

 Female Colleague: Errrrr….

Scene#3

*At his office*

Female Colleague: I’m done!

SV: With life? With him? With society? With the government? 

Female Colleague: My work, smartass! 

SV: Don’t take it out on me, blame the man! 

 Female Colleague: Ahhhh! That doesn’t even make sense! 

SV: Hey, when you look this gooood, nothing has to make any sense! 

Female Colleague: Ahhhh!

SV: FTW!

tricko-tobey-maguire-funny-face-200x200

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

My friend, PGS sends me a text.

PGS: Hey! I read your blog post.

Me: Which one?

PGS: Why? Why? Why? 

Me: Liked it?

PGS: Well, who is this SP that you have mentioned?

Me: Someone. You don’t know her.

PGS: Are you sure that it’s not me? 

Me: Seesh, narcissistic much?

PGS: Go jump! It’s just you’re always going on about how I need to put make up and I started doing so recently. Hence…

Me: Relax. It’s not you.

PGS: Good. By the way, check out my new Facebook pic.

Me: Uh…huh..

PGS: What?

Me: Nothing.

PGS: Tell me!

Me: It’s nothing.

PGS: Dude, either you tell me right now or I come over to your place and strangle you!

Me: Fine. It’s the lipstick.

PGS: What about it?

Me: Nothing, just an observation.

PGS: Dude! Tell me right now! Is it too much? Or what?

Me: Just saying, you know…

PGS: What? What? What? Tell me! This conversation isn’t over!

Me: Seesh, what shade is that? Crack whore red?

 PGS: Dafaq! I’m gonna kill you! Just wait till I get my hands on you! I’m never ever gonna put make up henceforth! You wait and watch Mister!

Me: Hehehehe

bitch-please-rage-face

You’ll Never Walk Alone!

We’re all talking about the ongoing EPL.

CG: Man, Manchester United is killing it! The points difference between them and Manchester City is like 15 points!

BR: And Arsenal and Chelsea are nowhere in sight! 

CG: Last season was heartbreaking for Manchester United but this season is theirs! 

BR: Yeah man. By the way, did you catch Arsenal vs Bayern Munich last night?

CG: No man, Arsenal lost I suppose? 

BR: No, they actually won but they were kicked out of the tournament because of the away goal aggregate.

CG: More heartbreak for Arsenal fans…

BR: They should be used to it by now, they haven’t won the premier league in ages…

CG: Sigh, poor souls… Well, atleast there’s always Liverpool

Me: Yeah! LIVERPOOL! YWNA! YWNA!

CG: Errrr, I think you mean YNWA? You’ll Never Walk Alone?

Me: Same thing! 

ragecomic

O Canada!

At a house party, a bunch of PYT’s were chatting among themselves.

PYT#1: Hey, did you hear about blah blah?

PYT#2: Yeah, I heard she’s relocating?

PYT#3: To Caneda apparently! 

*I walk upto them*

Me: Hey girls! What are you all chatting about? 

PYT#1: Hey, did you hear about blah blah?

Me: No, what about her? 

PYT#1: She’s moving to Caneda. There’s a huge Punjabi community there. Her entire family is relocating. 

Me: You mean Canada?

PYT#2: Dude! That only! Caneda – Canada, same thing! 

Me: Errrrr……

picard facepalm meme 4chan lol wtf

Death By PJ – 4

FF, LKB and I were driving to the beach.

LKB: Hey FF!

FF: Yeah?

LKB: You must have been with a lot of women, right?

FF: Yeah sure.

LKB: So, do you know what a woman says when she sees a huge c**k?

FF: Ummmm, no.

LKB: Yeah, I thought so too! Buuuuurrrrrn! 

FF: Dafaq!

Me: Hahaha, good one! High Five! 

bitch-please-rage-face