You Don’t Say!

CG is a pig when it comes to cleanliness. (Sorry Bro, but you know that’s the truth). And I’ve been trying to get him to clean his room for about a year now.

*I enter his room*

Me: Dude, when was the last time you changed your sheets?

CG: Haven’t done it yet. 

Me: Huh? How many times have you changed your sheets after moving into this house?

CG: That’s what I said! Haven’t done it yet. 

Me: Oh god! How are you still alive?

*I give his bedsheet a nice whack and a thick layer of dust rises* (I’m not making this up!)

Me: God save us all!

CG: Whatever….

*I open his wardrobe next*

Me: Man! Is something dead in here!?

CG: Quit making stuff up!

Me: It smells like a zoo in here!

CG: Oh please! It’s just my unwashed clothes.

Me: Why are they in the wardrobe? They should be in the laundry basket!

CG: Yeah yeah yeah! I’ll put it there!

Me: Alteast put a freshener or something in here!   

CG: Jeez! What am I, an aristocrat or something? 

Me: You wish!

*Next, I open his table drawer*

Me: Why is your toothbrush and paste in your drawer?

CG: I don’t know. I just keep it there.

Me: And there are cigarette packets in there, and some change and your comb! 

CG: Yeah so?

Me: And you put that thing in YOUR MOUTH!

CG: Dude! Stop nagging! You ain’t my girlfriend!

Me: You don’t say!

CG: #facepalm  

youdontsay

Aftermath: I’m afraid to enter CG’s room without a hazard suit!

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Burn It To The Ground!

My younger brother loves to borrow my clothes. I’m sure we all have younger siblings who’d do the same.

During one of his night outs, he decides to borrow one of jackets / pullovers.

*He opens my wardrobe*

Bro: Sad, sad, sad, god this is ugly, sad, sad… 

Me: Dude, if you don’t like anything, you can leave. 

Bro: I’m sure I’ll like something in this heap.

Me: Uh huh, suit your yourself. 

Bro: Ugh.! What is this sh*t!?

Me: It’s a tennis jacket.

Bro: Why is green in color?

Me: Because I like green. 

Bro: It’ll looks like something that someone from the ‘hood would wear and go all gansta! You know what I mean?

Me: Dude! I’m busy, if don’t like what you see, you can leave!

Bro: Chill bro! Anyways, I think I’ll take this badass tennis jacket of yours. 

Me: So changed your mind, is it? 

Bro: No, I’m just gonna burn this piece of sh*t to the ground! 

Me: Errrr, I don’t I’m ok with you borrowing my clothes anymore. 

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The Worst Day Of Your Life……So Far

Time: 9:00 am

CG: Dude, what’s that song you’re playing? Sounds good.

Me: No. I won’t tell you.

CG: C’mon! 

Me: No.

CG: Dafaq! 

Time: 12:00 pm

CG: Dude, what’s that song you played in the morning? 

Me: No. I won’t tell you.

CG: C’mon! 

Me: No.

CG: Dafaq! 

Time: 4:00 pm

CG: Dude, what’s that song you played in the morning? 

Me: No. I won’t tell you.

CG: C’mon! 

Me: No.

CG: Dafaq! 

Time: 8:00 pm

CG: Dude, what’s that song you played in the morning? 

Me: No. I won’t tell you.

CG: C’mon! 

Me: No.

CG: Seesh. Did you like, wake up today and decide to be a d*ck the whole day?

Me: No. I woke up today morning and decided that I’ll be a d*ck today AS WELL….

CG: Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!

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A Situation Called Awkward

My friend SV, thrives on awkward situations. Especially with his colleagues. It’s fun to watch him, as long as you’re not on the receiving end.

Scene#1

SV: Hey man, where’s that hot friend of yours? 

Me: She’s sick.

SV: Of?

Me: Errrrr…..

Scene#2

*At lunch time in his office*

Female Colleague: Lets go!

SV: Yeah, lets go have a quickie!

Female Colleague: Errr, you mean lunch?

SV: Yeah, that too….

 Female Colleague: Errrrr….

Scene#3

*At his office*

Female Colleague: I’m done!

SV: With life? With him? With society? With the government? 

Female Colleague: My work, smartass! 

SV: Don’t take it out on me, blame the man! 

 Female Colleague: Ahhhh! That doesn’t even make sense! 

SV: Hey, when you look this gooood, nothing has to make any sense! 

Female Colleague: Ahhhh!

SV: FTW!

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