Dude, You Need Help

*I walked into into LKB’s room without knocking*

Me: Whoa! Dude! If you’re watching porn, please bolt your door!

LKB: It’s not porn. 

Me: Ummmm, yeah it is. Naked pictures of women was classified as porn, the last time I checked. 

LKB: No. These are nude pictures. Artistically taken.

Me: Uh..huh… Sure.. Wait, is that Emma Watson? The kid from Harry Potter? Dude, c’mon – She’s just a kid! 

LKB: Hello! She’s 22! That’s just two years younger than me!

Me: But still, this is wrong. Just plain wrong.

*LKB is busy scrolling through the pictures*

LKB: Damn, she’s nude but they don’t show her boobs anywhere! Lots of cleavage but no boobs!

Me: Ok… So?

LKB: So nothing! This was a waste of my time! I rather check back in a couple of years once she’s got a boob job.

Me: Errrr, you need help. Like professional help. ASAP!



Diamonds Are Womens Best Friend

I was 14 years old and I was religiously studying for my Science final exam. The chapter was on crystals.

There was a line that I didn’t quite understand. ‘Diamonds have a very high cleavage‘.

Too lazy to open the dictionary, I asked my dad, hoping that he would shed some light on this mystery.

Me: Dad?

Dad: Yeah?

Me: What does cleavage mean?

Dad: Where did you learn that word?

Me: From my science textbook.

Dad: Ok. Cleavage means, ummmmmm….. Ummmmm… It means…. Ummmmm…. How do I say it? I think you better check the dictionary.

Left with no option, I opened the good old Oxford dictionary. This is what it said.

Cleavage: (\ˈklē-vij\) The depression between a woman’s breasts especially when made visible by a low-cut neckline.

Me: Man, this dictionary is wrong! Womans breasts it seems! Seesh!

Fast forward six years later.

GF: Oh baby! You should buy me a diamond solitaire!

Me: For what joy?

GF: So that I can show off! Imagine the how beautiful my neck will look! Not to mention the cleavage!

Me: Cleavage huh? Interesting. Oh wait! Now everything makes sense! The connection between men, cleavage and diamonds.

GF: What you thinking about baby? The diamond solitaire?

Me: Yeah, sure baby.