No Tissue, No Issue!

I was at a popular pub, when I happen to overhear this conversation from the table next to mine. There were about six people, three guys and three girls. They were discussing about whether your bride should be a virgin or not at the time of marriage.

Guy#1: Call me old fashioned, but I would want my wife to be a virgin!

Girl#1: You’re such a hypocrite! You have slept with other women, but you want your wife to be a virgin!?

Guy#2: The rules are different for guys, ok? In our society, women who have pre-marital sex are looked down on.

Girl#2: That’s so archaic! In this day and age, everyone has pre-marital sex! Besides, what does it matter whether the girl is a virgin or not?

Guy#3: I second with Guy#1! I don’t want to get the feeling that someone has already slept with my wife.

Girl#1: That’s so chauvinistic! If you’re so concerned that whether she’s slept with someone before you, just don’t ask.

Girl#2: Besides, why is that if men sleep with many girls, he’s branded a stud but if a woman sleeps around with many men, she’s branded a slut! Why are there double standards?

Guy#3: You see, Confucius once said: “If a single key can open many locks, it’s a master key. But if a single lock can be opened with many keys, it’s a shitty lock”!

*The guys high five each other. The women look annoyed*

Girl#1: Oh please, Confucius didn’t say anything like that.

Girl#2: You guys are such chauvinistic pigs!

*At this point, Girl#3, who was silent all this while, bangs the table*

Guy#1: Dafaq woman! You almost spilled my beer!

Girl#3: Why are you guys making such a big issue about a tissue? Relax guys.

*I’m sipping my beer, listening to the whole conversation*

 Me (to myself): Whoa mama! Cheers to that! 

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To Tap Or Not To Tap?

My friend CR is a very old fashioned woman. She is vehemently against pre-marital sex and she rains hell on those who dare to sing the glorious songs about the joy of sex in front of her.

We were having a chat about something  when our friend HP decided to join our conversation. HP is 19 years old and had recently joined a prestigious city college, known for its abundance of beauty on its campus (The female kind of beauty, not the nature kind. In case you were wondering).

HP: Man, so many hotties in my college! So many to tap!

CR: What? Tap? Seriously? Is that how you treat women?

HP: Chill woman, It’s just tapping. Nothing serious!

CR: Just tapping? Seesh, you’re just 19 years old! I’m gonna tell your mom!

Me: Chill CR. HP, did you really tap a chick?

HP: Errrrr….

CR: Well?

Me: Well, if you did, then – RESPECT TO YOU!

(We bump fist)

CR: Stop corrupting him! He shouldn’t be thinking about ‘tapping’ at this age! He should concentrate on his studies!

Me: Relax CR! Not everyone decides to wait like you. You’re 27 and you still haven’t done it! Your first time is going to be so awful! 

CR: Oh please! Big deal. My fiance is 32 and he hasn’t tapped anyone either! In fact he doesn’t even know how to kiss! I had to teach him! 

(HP and I double up in laughter)

Me: That’s too much information! 

HP: You both are made for each other. 

Me: Your first night together is not going to go well. Both of you will be wondering what goes where!

HP: Oh yeah! I can totally see that happening!

Me: While choosing music for the occasion, ensure that you choose a live album. That way you’ll get an applause every five minutes! 

HP: Amen to that!

CR: Oh please! We’ll just watch porn and figure it out! Alright? Now lets drop the subject!

(My sides start aching from all that laughing)

Me: Did you really say porn? This just keeps on getting better!

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