Here’s your claim token.

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Happy now?

Seesh!

The Return Of The Blonde

The Tiesto concert was around the corner. MM calls me up, out of the blue.

MM: Hey!

Me: Hey! 

MM: Listen, do you think that I can still get tickets to the concert?

Me: Yeah sure, my friend has physical passes. I can hook you up with him.

MM: What are those?

Me: Ummmmm, physical tickets…You know, tickets…

MM: I got the tickets part, but what is this physical?

Me: Never mind, I’ve a DJ friend. I’ll hook you up with him. He can help you.

MM: Hey! Even I have DJ friend. Maybe I’ll go with him!

Me: Errrrrrr…. Sure. What ever makes you happy! 

the fuck is wrong with you

Dude, You Need Help

*I walked into into LKB’s room without knocking*

Me: Whoa! Dude! If you’re watching porn, please bolt your door!

LKB: It’s not porn. 

Me: Ummmm, yeah it is. Naked pictures of women was classified as porn, the last time I checked. 

LKB: No. These are nude pictures. Artistically taken.

Me: Uh..huh… Sure.. Wait, is that Emma Watson? The kid from Harry Potter? Dude, c’mon – She’s just a kid! 

LKB: Hello! She’s 22! That’s just two years younger than me!

Me: But still, this is wrong. Just plain wrong.

*LKB is busy scrolling through the pictures*

LKB: Damn, she’s nude but they don’t show her boobs anywhere! Lots of cleavage but no boobs!

Me: Ok… So?

LKB: So nothing! This was a waste of my time! I rather check back in a couple of years once she’s got a boob job.

Me: Errrr, you need help. Like professional help. ASAP!

460

The Worst Day Of Your Life……So Far

Time: 9:00 am

CG: Dude, what’s that song you’re playing? Sounds good.

Me: No. I won’t tell you.

CG: C’mon! 

Me: No.

CG: Dafaq! 

Time: 12:00 pm

CG: Dude, what’s that song you played in the morning? 

Me: No. I won’t tell you.

CG: C’mon! 

Me: No.

CG: Dafaq! 

Time: 4:00 pm

CG: Dude, what’s that song you played in the morning? 

Me: No. I won’t tell you.

CG: C’mon! 

Me: No.

CG: Dafaq! 

Time: 8:00 pm

CG: Dude, what’s that song you played in the morning? 

Me: No. I won’t tell you.

CG: C’mon! 

Me: No.

CG: Seesh. Did you like, wake up today and decide to be a d*ck the whole day?

Me: No. I woke up today morning and decided that I’ll be a d*ck today AS WELL….

CG: Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!

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A Situation Called Awkward

My friend SV, thrives on awkward situations. Especially with his colleagues. It’s fun to watch him, as long as you’re not on the receiving end.

Scene#1

SV: Hey man, where’s that hot friend of yours? 

Me: She’s sick.

SV: Of?

Me: Errrrr…..

Scene#2

*At lunch time in his office*

Female Colleague: Lets go!

SV: Yeah, lets go have a quickie!

Female Colleague: Errr, you mean lunch?

SV: Yeah, that too….

 Female Colleague: Errrrr….

Scene#3

*At his office*

Female Colleague: I’m done!

SV: With life? With him? With society? With the government? 

Female Colleague: My work, smartass! 

SV: Don’t take it out on me, blame the man! 

 Female Colleague: Ahhhh! That doesn’t even make sense! 

SV: Hey, when you look this gooood, nothing has to make any sense! 

Female Colleague: Ahhhh!

SV: FTW!

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No Tissue, No Issue!

I was at a popular pub, when I happen to overhear this conversation from the table next to mine. There were about six people, three guys and three girls. They were discussing about whether your bride should be a virgin or not at the time of marriage.

Guy#1: Call me old fashioned, but I would want my wife to be a virgin!

Girl#1: You’re such a hypocrite! You have slept with other women, but you want your wife to be a virgin!?

Guy#2: The rules are different for guys, ok? In our society, women who have pre-marital sex are looked down on.

Girl#2: That’s so archaic! In this day and age, everyone has pre-marital sex! Besides, what does it matter whether the girl is a virgin or not?

Guy#3: I second with Guy#1! I don’t want to get the feeling that someone has already slept with my wife.

Girl#1: That’s so chauvinistic! If you’re so concerned that whether she’s slept with someone before you, just don’t ask.

Girl#2: Besides, why is that if men sleep with many girls, he’s branded a stud but if a woman sleeps around with many men, she’s branded a slut! Why are there double standards?

Guy#3: You see, Confucius once said: “If a single key can open many locks, it’s a master key. But if a single lock can be opened with many keys, it’s a shitty lock”!

*The guys high five each other. The women look annoyed*

Girl#1: Oh please, Confucius didn’t say anything like that.

Girl#2: You guys are such chauvinistic pigs!

*At this point, Girl#3, who was silent all this while, bangs the table*

Guy#1: Dafaq woman! You almost spilled my beer!

Girl#3: Why are you guys making such a big issue about a tissue? Relax guys.

*I’m sipping my beer, listening to the whole conversation*

 Me (to myself): Whoa mama! Cheers to that! 

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