The Asshole Tax

The way my friend DG swipes his credit card, you’d think that he owns an oilfield. Unfortunately, like every mortal soul he’s forced to go around begging in the last week of every month and recover the money that he’s loaned out to various people. His perseverance in recovering money would put many a seasoned Marwari businessmen and collection agencies to shame. Soon it was my turn to pay him back some money that I owed him, only that he choose a very wrong day to ask me. I had a bad week and I was in a mood to be an asshole to anyone who annoyed me.

DG: Dude?

Me: Yeah?

DG: You owe me 500 bucks and I kinda need it right now.

Me: Why do I owe you 500 bucks?

DG: You see, on blah blah date, I bought a couple of beers for you and you told me that you’ll pay me the next day and that didn’t happen.

Me: That was two months ago! You should have asked me then! I got no money on me!

DG: Dude! I’m broke! I have a huge debt on my credit card!

Me: Serves you right for swiping your card like there’s no tomorrow.

DG: DUDE! I’m serious!

Me: You know, the last time I was at your place, you were a dick to me.

DG: Yeah, I’m sorry for that.

Me: Well, I haven’t forgotten that. I’m gonna charge you asshole tax! (a la Fight Club)

DG: What’s that?

Me: It’s a tax that I’m gonna deduct because you were an asshole.

DG: It’s not fair! I said I’m sorry!

Me: No Can Do!

DG: Fine! Have it your way. How much money will be left over after you deduct the asshole tax?

Me: You poor b******. You don’t have the faintest idea, do you?

Click here to listen.



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